Relationships

By venturing into writing this blog on relationships I very well realize that I am asking for trouble. Relationship is one of the most talked about and debated topics among the people of my generation. Almost all the individuals belonging to this generation, whom I know, have an opinion to express about this topic and each of these opinions in some way or the other is often different from all the others. Considering the kind of diversity of opinion available on this topic, I thought it would be safer for me to begin this blog with a disclaimer:

“Statements and opinions expressed in this blog are my view on the subject of discussion. Readers have every right to disagree with my thoughts”

Relationship is a word that started hitting my ears very often ever since I joined my post graduation. Before then, especially during my graduation days in Trichur, I don’t recall people discussing much about relationships. Of course people used to fall in love, but relationship was not a topic that was discussed commonly. I think the reason for that is; the cultural framework in which I was living then was less westernized, where people preferred to keep their relationship as a complete private affair. Couples, who were in love those days usually did not discuss about their relationship even with their best friends.

Things were drastically different when I joined my post graduation. Students from all nukes and corners of the country were present in one single batch. I must say the cultural framework there was much more westernized than what it was in Trichur. The course started, and within a matter of few days, there were at least ten couples in the campus. I am yet to understand how someone could fall in love with a person in such a short time! As time made its strides, the number of couples in the campus also multiplied. I stopped keeping track of the exact number after sometime (I wasn’t that jobless).

People in the campus discussed a lot about relationships: “What you ought to do in a relationship?” “What you shouldn’t do in a relationship?” “What are the ground rules for being in a relationship?”, and there is a long list of similar questions that you would come across in a typical discussion on relationships. I also learned from the so called ‘relationship experts’ that there are certain ‘theories’ and ‘thumb rules’ that one has to internalize before getting into a relationship.

The main difference, I find, between the two cultural frameworks that I mentioned above is; in the case of former, i.e. during my graduation days, couples seldom discussed among themselves about how they plan to go ahead with their relationship. They seldom discussed among themselves about the ‘theories’ and ‘thumb rules’ of relationship. Am sure not many couples would have set any kind of expectations about each other at the beginning of their relationship. It all came so naturally to them. They never felt there was a need to plan the road map for their relationship.

In contrast to this, in the other cultural framework that I spoke about, i.e. during my post graduation days, couples had a clear idea about how their relationship should progress into the future. They set the expectations right in the beginning of the relationship, and they were well aware of the ‘theories’ and ‘thumb rules’ of relationship that would help them in nurturing the relationship. But, in this case, I always felt that the element of naturality was missing.

I am not a proponent of any one form of relationship. I believe that both these forms of relationship have its own advantages and disadvantages. But, there is one particular fact that bothers me. Of the 15 or so couples who were following the second form of relationship that I mentioned, only 3 of them got married. Rest of the couples is no more together. But, most of the couples who were following the first form of relationship are now happily married. What do you think the reason for this contrast must be? I like to believe that it is mere coincidence. Or am I doing something terribly wrong by using marriage as a tool to measure the success of a relationship?